3 Weeks

So, it's been 3 weeks since I posted about getting laid off.  And where am I?  Spinning my gears mostly.  I was working with the placement company that my former employer hires to help all of those they lay off.  Got my resume into decent shape, I thought.  Then I showed it to Lynx, my former tent mate and great friend from my Camp Tohi days.  (So glad we found each other on Facebook.  I've really missed her!)  Well, she just about reached through the Internet all the way from Ohio and smacked me.  Apparently I was underselling myself again and while the guy I was working with was right about a lot of things as far as people reading my resume, wasn't so hot on the "getting it through the computer screening for keywords" process that so many employers use these days.

That, and I still have no idea what I want to do when I grow up.  I take it back.  I know what I'd like to be doing, and what would probably make my soul sing, at least for a little while, but those jobs are few and far between, usually don't pay much or offer benefits and I'd probably have to move.  All things working against it.  Yes, deep down in that secret place in my heart that I keep sealed off because it'll only get me hurt, I still want to "be Lynn from the nature center".  Or at least be able to teach there full time.  No, I don't want to teach in a classroom.  I never have, and I've already talked about how NCLB has destroyed teaching for at least one friend and I really don't want to go down that road myself.

I've applied for a couple of jobs, but I'm really not holding my breath with them.  I'm both way over and way under qualified for them at the same time.  And I'm not even sure they're what I really want to be doing.  And you know what, I don't even really care about that at the moment.  As much as I love all the extra time I'm getting with Boo, I need to go back to work.
For many reasons.  I need to know that, while maybe financially tight, I'm bringing in enough money to keep the roof over our heads, food on the table and insurance paid for.  And while I love Gak and his job has provided us with scheduling flexibility over the years, it just doesn't cover us financially like my job did.
It's been so very hard for me these past 3 weeks to find my place in the routine.  We've got one that works, but I still feel like an interloper in my own apartment most mornings.  Boo and Gak had a routine that worked and that they'd developed over time the last (almost) 5 years.  Trust me, I'm thrilled that my boys can take good care of themselves and have it figured out, but it's been hard putting myself into that space.  I need to be around adults again.  I miss the connections and conversations with my coworkers and friends at work.  I miss connecting with my regular customers.  (And trust me, I've spent plenty of time the last few weeks worrying how some of them are, and feeling really bad that I didn't get a chance to say bye to many of them.... but... I understand, kinda...)  I need my own routine back.


There are two good things to come from this change.  The first being that I do get to spend more time with Boo.  That's never a bad thing (even when it seems like it because he's being whiny boy who's pushing all my buttons...).  The other is that except for a few days where I've really over done it physically, I haven't had the unending brain fog, the daily exhaustion chills and the crashing and crashing hard by 8 or 9:00 pm.  I've been able to get "enough" sleep and rest.  I haven't had the added stress of an actual job.  (And while I've been job searching, I haven't been doing it as many hours a day as I was at the office... and I really need to be actively searching more/better.... but that's a different story.)  So, yeah, I've actually been feeling fairly good physically.  Which makes me dread going back to work as much as I need to.  I don't want to head back into brain fog land.  I don't want to have the exhaustion chills some days as early as 8 am, but almost always for at least a little bit by 3 pm and almost always by 8:30 pm.  Only a few days have I had the "someone is trying to dislocate my hip by driving a screwdriver into it" pain or other joint/muscle pain and that's after I've overexerted myself.    I've been able to actually do things with my husband after the boy goes to bed.  I've been able to get things done.

So, even though this has been a good thing in the short term, I'm afraid of the long term.  It would be so easy for me to just give in, call it quits and become the lump on the sofa living off society if I didn't keep making myself move on days I don't want to.  I'm not that person.  I'm the one who earns her keep, does her fair share and makes sure I can give to others.  I'm not one to play the system and take advantage of it.  I despise people like that.  Sure, everyone needs a hand up now and again (which is why I'm collecting unemployment right now, but I've paid into that most of my adult life...).  But people who work the system so that they don't have to work or be a productive part of society, those I can't stand.  And I refuse to use my health to become one, as tempting as it may sound on mornings after I've over done it by going to the gym for 45 minutes, going for a 3 mile bike ride and walking to and from Boo's daycare.  Yep, that's enough some days to leave me completely useless the next day.  And there are so many people who can do all that and work an 8+ hour work day and be fine.  So, like it or not, I do have health issues that I can't ignore.

Anyhow, enough of the depressing and frustrating story of being unemployed.

In less than 8 hours we'll be at Boo's kindergarten registration appointment.  Yes, you read that right.  Boo goes to kindergarten in the fall.  In just over a month he'll be 5.  Yes, you read that right too.  I'm both excited and sad about it.  Sad because my baby is growing up so fast.  Excited because this will begin a (hopefully) great new chapter in Boo's life and I love watching him grow and explore the world.  And his world's about to get a whole lot bigger.

But, since I've been awake for the last hour or so, I'd better head back to bed and try and get some more sleep before I have to face the day.  Either that, or it is going to be a long day and afternoon and I will crash by 8 and feel miserable.  (But, I was stuck in my own head and hopefully now that I've poured it all out I'll be able to go back to sleep again....)

Peace to all and may your challenges be small and the love of your friends and family be large.

Changes

Well, the day I've been dreading for the past year or more finally happened last Tuesday, March 26th...

Boo and I had a lovely, if slightly snowy, day with Amma for her birthday on the 25th.  We didn't make our usual trip to the Zoo because of said snow, but we had an enjoyable swim, a wonderful brunch, a visit with PopPop and some time at the Lego store.  Amma and I even both found new swimsuits online (a backup for her and a replacement to mine that decided to rip in the center back shoulder area....).

Then Tuesday came.  I get up, get a boy-o to school and head in to the office.  I get my day underway by reheating the leftover half of my Monte Cristo sandwich from Monday's brunch.  (An aside, can I tell you how awesome Knook and Kranny on 23 near Phoenixville is?  Yeah, never had a bad anything and the owner is so sweet.)  I settle in and start checking the emails from the weekend and Monday and downloading some software I need for the upcoming reporting month.

Then Monty comes up.  Has this expression on his face like he's about to do something he really, really, really doesn't want to do.  Yeah.  That look.  Tells me he's been asked to walk me down to Katie's office.  Oh, and did you know Al's in the building?  Yup.  Al's from corporate HR.  There's only one reason why I'd be walked down to the business manager's office when corporate HR is here.  Corporate decided to do another RIF (reduction in force for those blessed enough not to know) and thanks to my oh-so-wonderful reviews the last two years, I was on the short list.

I do know that both Monty and Katie fought as hard as they could to keep the RIF from happening and to keep me from being a victim of it.  I could tell that neither of them wanted to be doing this, and Al didn't look too happy either.  (I'll give you this, Al is a very compassionate guy and I'd never, ever, in a million years want to be an HR person, ever, since his job mostly sucks in this economy...)  I'll tell you that while I didn't get the executive treatment for my severance package, I didn't just get a boot to the ass and a "good luck!".  I can't say that I'm happy with it, because, let's face it, I'd rather have my job, but it'll help keep us afloat for a little while.  Actually, a fairly long while if I play my cards right and can manage to keep costs down as low as I can.

So, yeah.  I'm unemployed at the moment.  Yes, I've signed up for unemployment.  No, I don't feel the slightest bit guilty about taking this "entitlement" because I've been employed almost non-stop since 1999 and have been paying into the system all this time.  This isn't "free" money, this is money I've paid into a system for just this kind of event.  Sure, I'd be thrilled never to have to rely on it, but I'm not stupid enough to turn down a helping hand.
I have to get my resume in full order.  I will admit that I took most of last week of as "vacation", since I'd been griping that I needed one for many months now and really, I honestly doubt delaying a week would really change the outcome of any job search.  Besides, I have no clue where I want to go next.  I don't know if I want to stay in the power industry, or if I want to do something else.  Do I want to continue to be some kind of software/technological support or do I want to do something else?  I do know that I don't want to move and that I'll need a job with at least half decent benefits and that I don't want to do sales.

It is times like this that I truly envy people like my brother who at least have a clue of what industry they want to work in, even if they haven't a clue what exact position they want.  I've got nothing.  I fell into this job 12.5 years ago when I gave Monty my resume to take in just to shut him up.  I never wanted to be in the regulatory or power industry.  I never wanted to be in software development or support.  I had some skills that came in handy and I could talk intelligently to customers.  The rest, I learned over the years.  I really have no idea what I want to do.
No, wait, I take that back.  I know what my dream job is, but they're few and far between, don't pay much and rarely have any benefits what so ever.  Yeah, that's right.  My dream job is still to be an educator at a nature center or the like.  And no, I'm not going to try and join the park service (see that not really wanting to move at this point above as well as the fact that 90% of park rangers are really just police officers, which isn't what I want to do...)  I'm not going to get my emergency teaching certificate and start subbing and working towards my full certification.  I never wanted to teach in a formal setting and NCLB has made that into something I want to avoid like the plague actually.  (It's bad enough what I'm going to deal with being a parent.... there's a reason my friend Michelle ran from the job screaming several years ago now...)

So, I've got to figure out which way is up and what path I might like to try.  And I've got to figure out how I fit into Gak and Boo's morning schedule's and routines.  I haven't been a part of the daily home scene since Boo was 11 weeks old or so and the boys have it down pretty pat after almost 5 years.  (Yeah, that's right,  Boo turns 5 two months from today... go ahead, I'll wait while the shock wears off.)  So, I don't have a job outside the house and I have no idea what my job inside the house is right now either.

But, this is the season of new beginnings and rebirth, both spiritually and physically.  I just hope that I don't have to wander as far and as long as my Jewish ancestors did.

Peace to all and may you not have an unwelcome surprises and at least a general direction to head.

p.s. I wish I could say this was all a horrible April Fool's joke, but I can't.

Just Keep Swimming

I have a much longer and probably much more whiney post I want to write, but tonight I am going to write the happy post.
Any long term reader will remember the time around whrn Boo turned two that we had our second session of Mommy and Me swim classes and they were no fun for anyone and he screamed at me any time we went near a pool or the bath for almost 9 whole months.  Well, we're way beyond that now.
We finally got the time and coordination together to cash in on Amma's birthday present from last year of one-on-one swim lessons for the boy.
The timing was right. He has been loving our Sunday swims more and more and getting braver and braver. Tonight was his second lesson and he's enjoying it so much and doing so well. He's down to three bubbles instead of four and I can't begin to tell you how happy we all are.  As you can see he's having fun.

Muddling Through

I know I said I was going to be better about blogging this year.  It hasn’t happened.  And neither has tracking what I eat.  Even though they were measurable and easily attainable goals, I have already failed at them.

I have a laundry list of excuses, but you know, it all comes back down to the same thing.
I’m exhausted.
I’m mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually exhausted.  I know I don’t use the word spiritually much, but I do believe it applies right now.

This past 4 or 5 weeks have been killer.  There was Boo’s emergency trip to the hospital. (Now all that’s left is the being billed and paying for of that little adventure…)  There was my subsequent bout of illness to contend with.  Then there was the long and arduous trip to Texas to tax me even further.  And throughout it all there has been Cookiegate (mostly under control now, just trying to muddle my way through getting rid of the last 400 or so boxes… yeah, 400 boxes…) and network troubles at work.  Oh, and we can’t forget Gak’s been working open to close since the beginning of all this thanks to his boss needing tendon surgery in his arm.  It’s not his fault, but still trying none the less.

That’s enough to tax a normal person.  But for me, I feel like I’ve hit a brick wall and am now plastered against it with nowhere to go and no way to peel myself off of it.  Actually, that might be too kind some days; some days I feel like I’ve then slid down said brick wall and am just a puddle of goo desperately trying to reform into a person.

I’ve been getting sleep.  Not always good sleep lately.  The last week or 10 days I’ve been getting bad sleep thanks to a knee that’s decided to be very painful (but not swollen that I can notice…) and keep me awake in the middle of the night for a couple of hours.  Or one of my other joints on my right side will decide to complain I’ve been laying on them too much.  Therefore, I’m starting the day exhausted and feeling like I haven’t slept.  And because I’m “sleeping in”, I’m not getting my precious “me time” first thing in the morning.  Trust me when I say I need that quiet hour or so to myself every day.  That does as much or more to recharge my emotional and spiritual well-being as sleep does to recharge my mental and physical well-being.

I will freely admit I’ve been eating way too much garbage lately.  Largely it is stress eating at work because it is so frustrating to try and get anything done right now.  And yes, when I eat junk I feel like junk.  But lately the short term “happy” is outweighing the knowledge of what it leads to.  I need comfort and coddling and since I can’t keep my snuggle-bear husband or my snug-a-boo son with me all day… food is often the quick fix unfortunately.  The scale, my clothes and my general well-being reflect this.

Emotionally all the drama with Cookiegate and the stress of the mess at work has me at an all time low for stability.  The littlest thing is likely to make me snap at someone in frustration or all but break down and cry.  It’s not what I normally would call depression, more frustration and anger with an inability to have things “go right” for a bit.  It’s not that I’ve lost interest in doing things that I love or don’t care about things, because I haven’t; it’s more that I’ve become so utterly frustrated by my inability to physically do them that I’m at a breaking point.  I just can’t keep juggling all the balls that keep getting thrown at me and the ones that I want to add to the mix.  They’re all going to come crashing down on my head soon.  And then I’ll be useless to everyone.

Because of the physical stresses, I’m exhausted.  Because I’m exhausted, my mental and emotional state is on shaky ground at best.  And because emotionally I’m at such a rocky point, my spirit feels crushed and broken.  Normally I’m a pretty positive person, but lately, it’s hard to see the positive with myself.  With other things and people, sure I can see the sunshine, but my own life looks pretty miserable.

Point in fact; we had a team meeting at work on Tuesday.  One of the things discussed were goals for the year.  One of the “team goals” our manager, and his manager, wants is a team utilization rate of 80% or better.  This means at least 32 out of 40 hours in my work-week must be charged to a project number.  Meetings, unless project specific, don’t count.  Taking a 5-minute (or 15-minute) break to mentally recharge as I transition between projects, doesn’t count.  Vacation or sick time doesn’t count.  And right now, with my mental and physical state, that’s a damn near impossibility for me.  And I hate the fact that I physically can’t meet this goal.  This shouldn’t be that hard of a goal to reach with the amount of work on my plate.  This should actually be easy to do, if I could just “buckle down” and get things done.  But I can’t.  I have problems staying awake and alert.  I have to get up and walk around for a bit to clear my head and keep myself moving and awake.  And I need the human contact of talking with my friends from time to time at work.  I may be an introvert, but I need to know that my select few favorite people are there and around.  I need to be by myself and in my own world, but not alone.

A little while back I did a thing on Facebook where you list certain things at certain times in your life… one of them was “biggest fear”.  And let me tell you, my biggest fear, well above and beyond the normal fears all parents have and the “normal” day-to-day fears of most people, is that somehow I’m not going to be able to keep this act up and all the balls will drop and scatter and my stable and secure job of 12.5 years will be yanked out from under me because of it and I’ll let everyone, especially my loves, down and we’ll be in a much, much worse situation than we are.

That’s what’s on my mind right now.  That’s what helps keep me awake at night when something else wakes me up.  That is what consumes me and adds to my irritability and anxiety.  And it sure as anything isn’t helping the overall situation.

What can I do to fix it?  I don’t know.  I don’t know that I can fix it.  What I want is for someone, some professional, to say “yes, what you’re going through is real and not in your head and not normal for a young woman of 37 years old.”  Even if they can’t do anything to fix it, to know that yes, this isn’t normal, and that it’s OK to be exhausted like I am and that there’s a real honest, to goodness reason for it, would make me feel that much better.  Make it feel like I wasn’t fighting such an uphill battle.  Make it be OK that I just can’t do it all or even half of it all.  That I’m allowed to be this way and that some things are just going to be impossible for me.  But until that happens, I’m stuck fighting the fight that I feel like I’ll probably never win and no one will ever understand.

On that thought, I will leave you.
Peace to all and may not feel like your life is spinning totally out of control.

p.s. I wrote this at work, but I'm now home because Boo broke out in some kind of rash at nap time and I had to go get him.... *sigh*

Enough With the Drama Already

7So many things running through my head right now.  I'll try and keep this brief and have it make some kind of sense.  When I say it's been a hell of a couple of weeks, I really mean it.

But, first things first.  I can't escape today without remembering that today would have been Gram's 90th birthday.  She's been gone just over 5 years and I still miss her on a regular basis.  She would have enjoyed Boo so very much, and I would have loved to watch them be together.

So, I guess I should recap the last two weeks.  It's been a rough ride.

Work has had it's own set of challenges and they look like they might continue another few weeks.  I'm not looking forward to that.  I also went to Texas the week before last.  Originally I was supposed to go the week Boo got sick, but I was able to change it to the next week.  Also, I originally was going to do some training, run a few reports and be on my merry way.  Instead, it was run the reports and spend about 12 hours all told doing work that I would have done from the office, but was actually going to be easier on site.  Of course, I still had stuff to clean up once I got back to the office.  And I will never, ever if at all possible put a 6 or 7 hour day in on site and then catch a flight home... My day on site started at about 8 am Eastern and ended at 2 am Eastern the next day when I finally got home.  Of course, I couldn't get to sleep right away I was so exhausted.
The best part of that day, when I got home I went into Boo's room to see him and as I was standing there, he woke up, sleepily saying "Momma??.... Momma!!" and we got to snuggle for a bit.  I think it did both of us well.  Of course, Gak enjoyed me being home again as well.  Thankfully I don't have to travel anywhere near like I used to.  I may end up traveling once a quarter or so.  That shouldn't be too bad and will be both nice and tough at the same time.

I had much more to say about the trip at the time, but I just didn't get around to writing it, and now it seems pointless or silly.  So, I'll skip it.

The other big challenge is what Gak has termed "Cookiegate".  Yeah.  Cookie Sales this year got off to a very rough start and I ended up having to "fire" my Cookie Mom about two weeks in.  Yes, there are several things I could have done better.  Yes, some days our troop meetings are quite chaotic and seem like there is no control.  But, like I've told every parent several times and all the girls, this is the girls' troop and I need their help and input into what we do.  Also, as wonderful as badges are, they're not the end-all, be-all of Girl Scouts and they're all more than welcome to work on as many badges as they want on their own time, or even suggest badges for us to work on at meeting times.  Since they haven't, I've muddled my way through the Breathe Journey (trust me, it's not fun...) and have tried to use troop time for enjoyable activities and things that I hope will teach them something vaguely useful in life.  And yes, I let them have a bit of crazy time at the beginning and end of meetings, but these girls' lives are so structured and scheduled that they need some downtime.  Girl Scouts should not be "school day number 2" but an enjoyable activity that they want to participate in.
Thankfully, there is a light at the end of this tunnel.  There are a few more tasks I have to complete and then it should be smooth sailing for the rest of the sale.  Or so I hope.  And actually, all the parents I've talked to were at the very least relieved that I had taken it back over if not downright thrilled because the original cookie mom had upset them so much and frustrated them.

The bright spot in all this drama and angst, Boo is quite healthy now.  Monday he had his 2-week followup appointment with his doctor and she pronounced him fit as can be.  He still has a cough every now and again, but just a random cough, not an all the time kind of thing.  Within about 2 days of being on the antibiotics he was back to full steam ahead.  And it wasn't the flu he had on top of the pneumonia, but RSV. Same course of treatment at that point, just different virus.  And of course, I came down with strep/upper respiratory infection again that Wednesday thank to no sleep and all the stress and got myself a Z-pack.  I'm not sure it really helped, but I am feeling much better now and only have my normal levels of winter ick going on.  So, yeah, my health didn't help with all the other drama going on.

But, I'm going to wrap this up here.  Things are going well on the health front for the most part.  Gak has a cold again, or at least a very annoying dry cough that started a few days ago.  Work is work and we'll muddle our way through for now.  Cookies and Girl Scouts seem to be heading for smoother waters.  Hopefully February will be much smoother and more fun than January was.

Peace to all and may your health be good and the drama only on TV or the stage....

Firsts, That Don't Need Repeating

I don't really want to repeat Sunday and Monday.  It was full of firsts for Boo that never, ever need to be repeated.  It makes me so very thankful that Boo is as healthy as he is.

I think I've mentioned that Boo's been fighting a cough off and on for several weeks now.  This is important at the end of the story.

I guess I have to back up to Friday.  Friday morning Boo wakes up and his cough is back, but he seems OK otherwise.  Well, I got a call from Gak around 2:00 saying he'd been called by daycare and that Boo had a fever of about 101.  So, I go pick up Boo and take him to the doctor.  She says his lungs sound clear and that it's probably just something viral that's been going around.

Saturday we spend at home.  Boo still has a fever and isn't feeling 100%, but he's not too bad.  Saturday night about an hour after he goes to bed his fever climbs quickly to about 102.  I dose him with some Ibuprofin and he goes back to bed and sleeps through.  In the morning his fever is gone and while Boo's a bit tired, we have a good day including running a few errands.  Oh, did I mention I was on call last week and that as I was falling asleep at about 11:00 the phone goes off and I don't get back to bed until about 12:30 or so?  Yeah, already working on sleep deprivation.  Keep that in mind.

Sunday evening we give Boo a bath and put him to bed.  About an hour later (around 9:00) I go climb in the shower to get ready for bed.  While I was in the shower, Gak passes Boo's room and he's whimpering.  Well, a chaotic 15 minutes later that included me throwing clothes on, Boo complaining/crying of abdominal pain  and throwing up once and his fever back up to about 102 and some Ibuprofin we were at the ER.

Yep, Boo ended up in the ER for the first time.  About an hour after we got there his fever was up to almost 106!  They had to wait another hour or so before they could give him some Tylenol because while you can tag-team Ibuprofin and Tylenol, you still have to stagger them by at least 2 hours.  Because of his soupy cough they give him a chest X-ray (another first) and order a CT (yet another first) scan because of the tummy pain.

They put in an IV (still another first) and take a bunch of blood for blood tests and to give him some fluids.  I never, ever want to go through that again.  I never want to hear him scream like that again.  Although, looking back it is kinda funny.  As we were all holding him trying to get the IV in he starts yelling "I really have to go potty!!".  Now, mind you, "I have to go potty" is Boo-speak for "I don't want to be doing this and if I tell you I have to potty I'll get out of it...".  This just makes the very nice and skilled nurses (boy do I appreciate wonderful nurses, and we had several!) hurry just a bit faster.  Once all the screaming is done, I take Boo to the potty and help him pee in the cup for a sample.  (He really did need to pee... but...)

The next adventure was eventually getting him to go for the CT.  His fever was well on its way back down at that point and he was feeling much better.  He's saying that his tummy wasn't hurting much any more.  It was another thing I don't really want to repeat.  Once we got him onto the pad and I was able to hold his hand throughout, he was OK and very still, but it was convincing him it was OK and that I wasn't going anywhere that was the hard, tear-filled and thrashing part.

Well, about 1:30 or so the doctor comes back in and says that it looks like it is appendicitis like we feared with where Boo was saying he was having pain.  It was "borderline", but like the doc said, that's like being "borderline pregnant"; either you've got it or you don't.

So, since our little hospital doesn't operate on anyone under the age of 6 (and it wasn't an emergency at this point) they had to figure out where to transfer him to.  We end up at Lehigh Valley Cedercrest.  This is the hospital where Zoe was born.  It's quite huge now and is a very good hospital.  Most of the pediatric doctors are also at CHOP.  Thankfully we didn't have to drive down to Philly.  Actually, because it was so late and because Gak has to open the store all this week because his boss had surgery last week, we did a little juggling.  Gak ran home and threw together a bag for the boy and me.  Boo and I went by ambulance (still another first) up to Lehigh and Gak took the car and went home to try and get some sleep before work.  It was about 3:00 by the time we got to the hospital.  Thankfully by about 4:00 Boo was asleep.  I dozed for another few hours, but not much.

Well, to make a long and tired day short, by the time we got to Lehigh Boo said his tummy stopped hurting and his fever was well on its way back to normal.  (Point in fact, he didn't get any more fever medicine after the initial Tylenol.)  He slept in until about 9:00 or so, including waking just barely enough to nod at the doctor who was poking and prodding at him and fuss a bit when they drew some more blood through the IV port.  After much consulting amongst themselves and consulting radiology at this hospital, they decide it is not appendicitis after all, but walking pneumonia.

Yep, that's right.  Not his bowels at all, but his lungs.

So, apparently when his fever was on it's way up, his lymph nodes flared and this can cause lots of pain that can present like appendicitis.  The bowels of little kids are very tight and hard to see and you're looking for a structure that's 2" or less in size.  And remember, the doc at our hospital said it was "borderline".  The chest X-ray was clean, but the CT scan catches the bottom of the lungs and the left side was really pretty gunky for lack of a better word.  So, after a few more hours of observation and prodding by yet another doctor and putting in an order for amoxococyllin we're discharged!  We were out of Lehigh about 13 hours after transfer, about 19 hours after heading to the ER in the first place.  Boo and I were both tired but glad to be heading home.  I really have to thank Ed for coming and picking us up.  And I have to apologize for not texting/calling him to keep him in the loop and/or see if he could transport us to Lehigh to save the ambulance cost, but it was 2 am and my brain wasn't working well.  (That and I can never keep track of his schedule...)

Yeah, remember that cough I was talking about at the beginning and the fact that he went to the doctor Christmas Eve for it... well, I'm thinking that's probably when this really all started.  But, his cough kept going away and his doctor and I just figured it was the annual passing of the daycare crud... guess not.

Boo was cleared to go back to daycare today, but I'm keeping him home this morning.  We'll go in at lunch. (Don't get me started on the mess at work, almost none of which is my fault but means I can't get stuff done...)  Right now I have to finish building a Lego trash truck that Boo bought with his gift certificate from Nana.

Peace to all and may your loved ones be healthy, but if not be thankful for the awesome nurses and doctors that will help get them healthy again.  (And may I never have another 48 hours like Saturday night until last night ever again, or at least for a very, very long time.  And yes, I have always known, but am even more thankful that my boy-o is as healthy as a horse!)

Edit:  The flue test they did yesterday actually came back positive.  So, on top of everything else, he has/had the flu.  But, since his temp has been normal for more than 24 hours, he's still clear to go to daycare.  And he seems to be feeling good enough to do so for the afternoon.

New Year...

Well, it looks like I haven't started the new year off blogging any better than I ended the last year.
I've also found that I haven't had much to say on Facebook or G+ either.

It's been a busy, if fairly normal, week here.  Of course it's busy, it's reporting month.  And Gak's taken his turn being sick.  And Boo is 4.5 years old.  So, yeah, normal kinds of busy.

There have been some good things though.  Through the magic of trading gift cards with Gak and adding a little cash to the mix, I now own a fitbit zip.  I just got it Saturday evening.  And let me tell you, I really think it is pretty cool.  Yes, it is just a glorified pedometer in many ways.  But, it's one that resets itself at midnight and keeps track of not only how many steps I take, but the frequency and calorie burn and some other cool stuff.  And I can see all the information it has to give me either on a website or my phone.  All I have to do to sync my fitbit is to get within 20 feet of my computer and it does it all by itself.  Oh, and the two coolest bits are the smiley face it gives you depending on how active you're being and the fact that it syncs up with the healthy habits/incentives site my company uses as part of our benefits and earns me points.  These points mean "money" toward any number of really cool things I can order from their catalog.  So, this is a win-win situation all around.  And yes, I can take it into the pool.  (Well, technically it's not waterproof, but a sandwich baggie keeps out 99.9% of the water and it stays put in my swimsuit.)  I'll have to let you know if/how it handles lap swimming.  I didn't get to do laps Sunday because Gak wasn't feeling good and didn't go with Boo and I to the pool.

Oh, yeah, we're going to the pool at the Y just about every Sunday.  Boo starts reminding me about it around Wednesday or so.  One of these days he may actually start swimming instead of just splashing or holding onto me or Gak for dear life.  (Although, he's a bit more willing to come to me, since Gak has a habit of dunking him of taking him through the water features which Boo does not like.)

Next week I'll be heading to western Texas for a few days.  It'll be nice to get away, but I'll miss my boys.  It shouldn't be that hard of a trip, other than the fact that I have to fly through Houston.  I never have a good time flying through Houston.  Actually, the hardest part is that my flight gets back to Philly at about 11:30 pm on Friday night.  We shall see.  It'll be interesting at any rate.

I'd better get my lunch and breakfast packed and me dressed so I can get a boy-o up and dressed.  He already told me he planned on sleeping in today and that I was going to have to wake him.  He's a funny, funny little boy.

Peace to all and may your New Year be starting out on a positive note.

Farewell 2012

I must say, I'm not really all that sad to see 2012 go.  While it wasn't a horrible, no good, rotten year like 2007, it was by far not an easy one either.  Overall, there has been more good than bad, but the bad has left a toll.

On the plus side, my boy-o is healthy and growing like a weed.  He's slowly getting over his fear of the four-footed and furry as well as engaging others in play.  He has made some pretty amazing leaps this year and I can't quite catch my breath with how much he's changing, and yet, how much he's the same as ever.  All I know is that I love that little boy (he's definitely not a baby any more!) more than I can put into words.

Gak has had a fairly good year over all.  Sure, work's a hassle and has given him some issues throughout the year, but nothing too out of the ordinary.  His health has been good, which is always a blessing.

Me, I've had my fair share of challenges this year, and not all of them the good kind.  I started the year battling strep twice in the span of about a month.  And well, I came down with it again Christmas night.  (It's amazing what a few days of penicillin will do, I feel 100% better.  Then again, it wasn't as bad a case as some I've had in the past...)  Then I spent all spring in a brain fog and so exhausted I was fighting like mad not to fall asleep at work and the chills at night.  I managed to get some relief from that and, finally, in the last month or so I've been able to get back to some form of physical activity that hasn't sent me to exhaustion for days after the fact.  I still battle chills on just about a daily basis and my performance at work has been impacted (at least in my eyes) quite a bit.  I think my energy levels are about where they used to be; the thought of going to the playground or doing anything other the collapsing on the couch after work doesn't bring me nearly to tears anymore. (Trust me, having as active a boy as Boo and all summer not be able to go on rides with him or actually play with him at the playground was enough to all but bring me to tears of frustration on so many occasions.)

Work has had its own challenges throughout the year.  A lot of them good and interesting, but all of them compounded by the brain fog and exhaustion.  Several changes have been made and 2013 is looking like it'll be interesting.  Hopefully all will go well, but I'm sure there'll be bumps in the road.  At least, for now, I feel like I have the energy to tackle them.

My emotional health has been strongly tied to my physical health this year.  While I would not say that I've been fighting true depression, there has been a lot of frustration, angst, fear and anger tied to my physical health or lack there of.  To say I've been on rocky emotional ground would pretty much sum it up.  I'm just thankful that Gak, while he may not understand, can usually accept that I'm sometimes a bit flakier than others...

All this mental and physical woe has also let me easily slip back into being lazy (well, I didn't have a lot of choice there for a while if I wanted to even think about being able to get out of bed the next day....) and over eating. I've found 25 or so of the pounds that I'd left along the side of the pool or the road in the last few years.  I'm not happy with that fact, not for the number on the scale (by far not the worst) but because of how I physically feel carrying the extra around again.  And not really from carrying the extra, but from the way my old eating habits are making me feel.  They're making me feel much worse than I really am I think.  I'm not making healthy choices and it just "feels" icky so much of the time.  This is in my control and something I can work on in the coming year.

I also can't seem to find my little point-n-shoot camera.  It's been bugging me off and on and I know if I would just clean up my damn mess, I'd find it.  Or at least prove once and for all that it's not in the apartment.  I'm actually cameraless right now.  I had to return Dad's DSLR at Thanksgiving.  It's OK though, as I wasn't using it as much in the fall.

Which brings me to the other big down of the year.  Dad and his health.  Christmas day was not a good day for him.  He was barely able to make it out of bed and mentally it was just not good.  It breaks my heart, and I can only imagine the heartache that Mom goes through on a daily basis.  And there's not much I can do for her, other than let her come play with Boo on Mondays as a break.  And remind her I'm only a phone call away, any day, any time.

But, like I said, there have been good things too.  I've managed to crochet at least 30 if not 40 different projects this year.  Some as simple as a tiny little stuffed kitty for a friend, some as big as an awesome (and well loved) afghan for friends who more than deserve it.  And hats, I've made lots and lots of hats this year, most of which have been donated to the Vet's hospital down the road.  I have a great, and huge, group of girls in my Girl Scout troop this year.  I have lots of friends around me who care about me and help me out whenever and however they can, and who I do the same for.  Actually, they're not just friends, they're my family and my clan.  The relationships all get a little fuzzy and are hard to follow, even when you're living it, but we all love each other and work together to make this thing called life a better place.

So, here's to the end of a rough year and hopefully 2013 will be a bit smoother sailing.
My goals for 2013 are simple.
1. Get back on track with my eating and my activity.  Make sure to track every bite at least 3 days a week and stick to a 3 or 4 day a week schedule of activity.
2. Continue to blog and keep my window to the world open.  I hope to blog at least twice a week, preferably 3 to 4 times a week.
3. Continue to love my family with all my heart and soul.  I think this'll be the easiest one to do.

So, on that note, I wish you all peace, health and happiness.  May the good outweigh the bad and there always be a silver lining to the touches of gray.

List of December

Well, so much for getting back into the blogging swing of things.  Here I've let almost the entire month slide on by, not just a measly week or so.  And no, I don't have any new pictures either.
I take that part back, I do have some new pictures, but their still on the memory card(s) and in all honesty, and a sign of my total lack of organizational skills at the moment, I can't find my little Cannon...

Ok, so to keep this brief (haha) and try and get most of what's bouncing around in my head onto "paper", I'm going to present a huge bullet list.  Not my favorite way to do this, but it's 6:45 and I've only got a half hour at most....

So, in no particular order...

*Got the tree put up Saturday with Boo.  Decorating with a 4.5-year-old is fun.  You can tell a child was involved, there's one spot with a ton of ornaments and a smattering across the rest of the tree.

*Went to Amma and PopPop's for Hanukkah on the 9th.  It was a good evening.  PopPop actually read the prayers this year and I helped Boo light the candles.  We also got a chance to talk to Jon and Becca, which is always awesome.

*Speaking of Jon, I got to have lunch with one of his best friends (and a good friend of mine) from school yesterday.  I think I've known Ian since I was around age 12?  It wasn't too long after we moved to PA at any rate.  It was great to catch up with him.

*Speaking of Hanukkah and photos (wait, did I mention photos?), Dad was wanting to use his camera.  Mom tried to put him off about it for a bit, but he kept asking.  So, I took him his Nikon back when we went down for Hanukkah.  And since I can't find my little Cannon at the moment, I'm cameraless, other than my phone, which takes OK pictures, but getting them off there can be a pain in the butt.

*I've managed to get lots and lots and lots of Christmas crochet done.  No, you won't see pictures until later.  (That reminds me, I need to get pictures of my latest items... but... aargh... too much effort at this point!)  Well, maybe you'll see pictures.  I know I've got pictures of some of them....

*I think I'm all done with the Christmas shopping.  Still debating one small-ish purchase and I might need to pick up one other thing, but overall, I'm good.

*Wok is interesting.  We're going through a reorg, which in the long run I think will actually be quite good, but will cause a little chaos in the meantime.  I'm not sure yet if this is a good or bad thing, but my friend Bill will now be my manager.  Yeah, it could get a little tricky at spots, but we've been through tricky spots before.  As long as he keeps his ego in check (and I don't do anything stupid) we'll get along just fine with his new role.

*Next month I get to go to Texas for a few days with work.  (Well, that's if they send the PO in, but I'm about 99% sure they will...)  This'll be my second trip since the beginning of September.  It'll be nice to get out of the office.  Boo's old enough that picking him up from daycare or whatever doesn't mean I have to make sure the right seat is around, he just needs a booster and I've got an extra of those.  Boo's not happy with the idea, but he did OK in September and I know he'll be fine next month too.

*That reminds me, this trip to Texas will be the first time I'll have been on a plane since before Boo was born.  Wow, that's almost 5 years!

*Speaking of being born, my cousin Rae and her wife Kami welcomed a beautiful baby boy into the world back on the 4th, Oren William.  He's adorable and I so wish we lived closer.  I have no idea when we'll actually get to meet him in person. /sigh

*Boo keeps growing like a weed.  He's so much fun to watch and play with.  He just amazes me every day.

*We went to Zoe's Christmas concert last Friday.  It was really nice (and just the Junior/Senior high kids).  After we went to the Ronda to catch up with Steve, Shelby and Randy, which is always nice.  Steve is going to be deployed again in January.  I have no details on length, but I do know it's back to Afghanistan. /sigh

*My friend Michelle is in Chile now.  I haven't heard much from her in the past few months, but it seems like she's doing OK.

*No, I haven't posted anything about what happened in CT on Facebook or G+.  I'm not going to either.  Actually, I take that back, I did make a comment on my friend John's one post.  Basically I agree that this is a horrible tragedy and I can't (and don't want to) imagine the personal hell all those families are going through.  The last thing they as a community need is to be reminded by outside people everywhere they look about it.  They're living it every blessed heartbeat.  The best thing we can do is not to ignore it, but to be respectfully quiet about it.  (And if I dwell on this too much I'll just end up putting myself into a bad emotional place and that won't help me, my family or the victims in any way, shape or form...)

*I'm hopefully doing something cool tonight.  Someone I've met through either a photography or a fiber circle on G+ (I can't remember exactly how I met her, but she's into both...) is in the area for work.  The boy and I are hopefully meeting up with her for dinner.  It should be fun.  This is a huge step for me, I normally find real life events like that really tough.  But, I've been kicking myself for a while for not grabbing the opportunity to meet another online friend when I was traveling all the time, so I'm not going to let this one slide by if I can help it...

Well, a boy-child is up.  It's almost 7:10 and we both have to get dressed, get breakfast/lunch together and get out the door.

Peace to all and may you not wait too long to keep friends and family in the loop and may you grab opportunities when and where you can.

Surreal

Last week had to be the most surreal week of my life to date.

Monday morning started out in the normal Monday way.  I was almost to work when I saw a small car looking like it was going to pull out of a drive.  Nothing too unusual other than the place it was at was empty and there was this thing on the roof of the car.  As I got closer, I saw by dawn’s early light that the word Google was plastered across the side of the car.  Therefore, the thing on the roof had to be the camera setup for a Google Maps car.  I think I geeked out about that the last mile or two to work.

Then, when I was leaving work Monday afternoon (I work 7-4 on Mondays) I saw two people in the field/empty lot across from my building.  They had a backpack and a camera and were taking pictures and pointing up in the sky and looking like they were measuring or something.  (What made this really weird is the girl looked just like Jess who used to work with us from my vantage point, but it wasn’t.)

Tuesday morning we find out that the President of the United States was going to visit a business in Hatfield on Friday.  A few hours later we find out it’s not their manufacturing facility a few miles away, but the office building diagonally across the field from us.  Yep, those two people I saw Monday evening were measuring the field to see if it was big enough for Marine 1 and her sister helicopters.  There was also a Secret Service agent in the building talking to our “security” and EHS guy about what all we’d need to do Friday.

Wednesday was quite exciting (and where the picture at the top came from…).  They did a practice run of the helicopters arriving and departing.  Let me tell you, they are loud and big and noisy (OK, so essentially I said that twice, but it’s true…).  And I was less than a football field away from them when two of them took off.  (See the video… I nearly got knocked on my butt from the prop wash…)

Thursday was almost a normal day, but we had a meeting in the afternoon about what we could and couldn’t do.  We weren’t going to be able to park in front of or on the side of the building, only in the gated lot behind us or in the lot in the park.  All blinds had to be closed and no one was to be outside when the President was arriving or departing. Oh, and by the way, there’ll be two snipers up on the roof.  Yep, on the roof, right above my head.

Friday was the most surreal of them all.  As usual, I got in right around 7:00.  I remembered to park behind the gate and made extra sure I had my badge and parking badge.  There didn’t appear to be anyone parked in the buildings to either side of mine, and there were fire truck support vehicles already arriving.  When I went outside around 9:00, I couldn’t count the number of black SUVs, police cars, fire trucks, support vans, bicycle cops and ambulances that were deployed all around our building and the one next door; across from the building the President was visiting.  You could tell which of the SUVs were armored and there were a few Secret Service agents that were walking around that I would have pegged as such even if they were in plain clothes.

I think the most surreal message I sent Friday was to Gak: snipers have been deployed to the roof.

Despite the “no looking” mandate, with vertical blinds in the offices and a window in the garage door in the shop, we were able to get a half decent look at the arrival and departure.  And of course, we could hear it too.

It did get a little unnerving listening to the snipers walking around on the roof right over my head.  It was also weird talking to people from other parts of the country about their normal issues when I’m working in a secured location and the president was across the street.  My mind couldn’t keep from geeking out from time to time trying to process it.  It’s just not in the realm of normal for us mere citizens.  It really is a different world.

The funniest part was after the President left.  I’d been downstairs to get more water, try and sneak a peak at the departure and run a few other errands downstairs.  I was coming back up the stairs with two other women from the department and nearly ran smack dab into the two snipers as they were about to come down the stairs.  It was a little embarrassing and a bit unnerving almost running into someone so well armed (and well trained).  I’m not sure if it helped or not if the one I almost ran into was kinda cute…  We all laughed and everyone got to where they were supposed to go.

Within 30 minutes of the President leaving you never would have known something had happened, other than the fact that it was a Friday afternoon and there weren’t any cars out front of the businesses.

So, yeah, last week was a bit on the surreal side of things.  The weekend was good.  For the second week in a row we went swimming at the Y on Sunday.  Boo actually started asking about it on Wednesday or Thursday.  Hopefully we’ll be able to keep this up all winter.  It’ll be a nice way to get us all up and out of the house and doing something fun together.  I’ll try and catch up on the other goings on for the last few weeks.  I’m trying to get back into the habit of blogging, but it’s been a bit rough from many sides and the thing that suffers most when things get wacky is the blog.

But, I’d best get back to work and be productive.  I’ve lost enough time to the chaos of a Presidential visit, even if it wasn’t to our building.

Peace to all and may you have the surreal happen from time to time.